On Thursday, January 16, 2025, my programme, Heart Matters, debuted on Roots FM 97.1 in Abeokuta, Ogun State. It was a historic moment when, at exactly 6:15 PM, my voice—alongside that of my co-anchor, Precious Oluwasayo, an articulate and talented broadcaster who also serves as the Head of Station—went live on air, to the glory of God.
The programme ran until 7 PM, marking the fulfillment of a dream. I hope my listeners will continue to join me every Thursday at 6:15 PM.
Today, I want to examine the challenges facing single moms, particularly the misconceptions that often shape their approach to relationships. Many single mothers hold on to faulty mindsets—presumptions, if not outright illusions—when dealing with prospective suitors or boyfriends.
A reality check is necessary: many single moms struggle to accept that their perceived “market value” in the marriage space has shifted. Some continue to carry themselves as if they are on the same playing field as young, single women with no children. However, the hard truth is that, for many men, having a child outside of marriage is a significant disadvantage when considering a long-term commitment.
There is an undeniable bias against single mothers—one that may not always be fair, but remains widespread nonetheless. Yet, many enter relationships with an inflated sense of worth, banking on factors such as beauty, education, pedigree, family background, and other social assets. While these qualities are valuable and should not be downplayed, they do not erase the reality that some men will outright refuse to marry a woman who already has a child, regardless of how accomplished she may be.
That said, being a single mom is not a death sentence. Many single mothers successfully navigate the challenges and even marry young bachelors who have never had children. When this happens, it is often a rare and fortunate opportunity—one that should be appreciated and nurtured.
Unfortunately, reports reaching me suggest that many single moms who get this chance take it for granted. Some repeat the same mistakes that led them into single motherhood in the first place. I recently spoke with a man who married a single mom, only for the relationship to collapse within the first year. According to him, his wife was quarrelsome, irresponsible, and unwilling to respect or submit to him, despite being provided with love, financial security, and peace at home. In his words, “She was simply unmanageable.”
Bad character ruins even the best opportunities. If a woman’s past relationship or marriage ended due to poor behavior, and she does nothing to address those flaws, she is bound to face the same struggles again. Many men avoid single moms out of fear of hidden personality issues that may have contributed to their previous relationship breakdown.
If you are a single mom reading this, take time to reflect. Work on your weaknesses before stepping into a new relationship. Do not assume that history cannot repeat itself—without personal growth and change, the cycle may continue indefinitely.
A single mom should exhibit even more virtue, maturity, and emotional intelligence than her younger, child-free counterparts. She should leverage her past experiences as wisdom, using them to foster a more successful and fulfilling relationship in the future.
*Ladi Ayodeji is a Speaker, Author and counselor. He can be reached on 09059243004, WhatsApp only.
