Marriage: Wrong choice a ‘killer’ pitfall, by Michael West


The season is here again. Adult singles are usually in frenzied mood for life partners or companions, as it were, during yuletide. Festive periods seem to spike anxiety as pressure on them by family members, parents in particular, do increase. It is legitimate to be married, happy and be fulfilled but this ultimate life attainment appears difficult for many to achieve. God wants everyone to be fulfilleud and it is His desire to grant the aspiration of every being in that regard.

There’s no specific moment for the singles to scout for life partners. Every day is a good day. Settling into a blissful marital life is the dream of every adult. My concern here is not just to see the singles get married but that they be rightly paired. Marrying wrong partners is like a life sentence into emotional prison, spiritual wilderness and mental agony which are too dire to bear.

A man of God, Rev. Olusola Areogun of Dreams Centre, Osogbo, Osun State, said in his classic teaching on marriage that whoever finds himself or herself in marriage with a wrong partner has lost a minimum of 80 percent of their glory or destiny in life. Similarly, Pastor Enoch Adeboye of the Redeemed Christian Church of God said “it is better to stay single than be married to the wrong person. If you marry the wrong person your hell begins on earth. It takes only the supernatural intervention of the Almighty God to rescue you if you marry the wrong fellow.” For me, the situation is akin to someone who narrowly survived an air crash but sustains high degree of injuries and fractures. He may never enjoy good health and full functional body for the rest of his life. Such is the case with victims of wrong marriages.

I am passionate and concerned about the singles getting married. It is a service to humanity. However, it is more glorifying and fulfilling if they marry right. The increasing incidence of failed marriages is fuelling the number of singles in the ‘market.’ Many people rushed into marriage taking the obvious pitfalls for granted even when they are visible enough to see.

Some years ago, I counseled a 38-year-old old woman from going into marriage with a man she was not ready to let go. I understood her reason, age was no longer on her side, more so, committed suitors were not easy to find. Despite warnings, she went ahead and solemnised the marriage. Her argument was that everybody has one form of issue or the other to manage in their life and that prayers can change any bad situation. Yes, I agree but the Bible says in Proverbs 22:3 that “A prudent (wise) person foresees the danger ahead and takes precautions; the simpleton (simple-minded, foolish) goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. (NKJV). I knew her desperation for marriage can’t sustain the union. Honestly she tried her possible best to keep the marriage. She spent all she had to satisfy her man. She even got a car loan at work and bought a car for him while she went to work by public transport. In order not to be tempted to have access to the car, she refused to learn driving. She got an apartment in an estate, furnished it and filled the house with foods and groceries including assorted drinks. Sincerely, all she got in return was physical assaults, lies, infidelity and endless financial demands. They went their separate ways for a season only for the guy to return to her in her new place and apologised for his “mad behaviours.” I warned her again but she said, “since we separated which man came my way? Where are the men? I will rather endure his immaturity than be without a man.” She went ahead and gave him N250, 000 to pursue his business interest. The summary of it all is that my beautiful lady was back to square one barely a month after his ‘repentance.’ He did more damage this time than the earlier period. Months later, he sauntered into a young woman from a wealthy family. They cleaned him up, empowered him, gave him money to buy a “tear rubber” car before he married the girl. He is living as a “big boy” while my innocent lady is struggling to survive in the current economic malaise affecting Nigerians. When she lamented about what the guy did to her, I reminded her that desperation lured her into her predicament. She is advanced in age now; a good, faithful woman, she is back in the ‘market.’

Whether you’re widowed, separated, divorced or yet-to-be-married, beyond the need and quest for life partners or companions, painstaking approach to getting the right person is key. Likewise, desperation must be eschewed at all cost. The Word says God is the “Rewarder of those that ‘diligently’ (patiently focused, determined) seek Him.” (Heb 11:6b). Diligence and patience while searching for life partners will produce a lasting result.

Indices of wrong partners are easy to know. Apart from the tendencies for physical assaults, irresponsibility, infidelity and emotional disconnect, spiritual dimension to such case is real. That’s why God-factor is basic at the onset. The best time to pray is when you’re not seeing or involved with anybody at all. Investigate the person from their background. That was the role parents used to play in the past. That lacuna is taking tolls on the marriages of many young people these days.

Spiritual manipulations by family lineage forces could make their targets marry the wrong partners. People usually realise the harmful mistakes when it is practically too late. However, not all cases are beyond remedy. There are lesser cases that counseling, prayers and conscious efforts could improve. For those already married, it is important to fight on your knees for your family and secure your home. Sacrifice in form of giving up on some things or a change of attitude to nurture the relationship could be helpful.

It is possible that some of those that could have solved our economic and political problems are living beggarly in our midst and in far-flung locations. Some of them engage in menial jobs for survival notwithstanding the level of their education, skills and talents just because they missed their destiny steps through marriage. If God opens our eyes to see colossal damages done to bright minds, brilliant scholars and great thinkers’ destinies through marriages, one will prefer to stay single for life. This is not to scare or demoralise us but to underscore the fact that marriage is a serious business meant for the mature and serious minded only. Therefore, watch, search and pray before you say “I do.”

From the Mailbox

Re: Parents, It’s All About You
Wow! Nice write up. It really made my day. Well, in my own case, my daughter doesn’t have issue with me having a man but my son is the issue. He doesn’t want any man around me. The 14 years old boy was nine months old when his father died. – Kenny O., Lagos.

In my case, each time I brought a woman to the house, my children were not happy at all. I explained to them many other things I needed a woman for besides having children. Yet, it wasn’t easy. When the eldest gained admission into the university, the coast became clearer for me. – Emo Diadenaru, Abuja.

My submission is that children should ensure that their parents are happy. Life is not static. More so, if a single man of 50 and above doesn’t have a companion, loneliness may send him to untimely grave. – Hafeez Sonaike, Lagos.

I’m 37 years old chartered accountant. I’m interested in your Hook Up service please. How do I go about it? – Ms. Anonymous.

● West wrote via [email protected] 08059964446


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