MAN & WOMAN: Single Moms On My Mind – Part 1 by Ladi Ayodeji
Single motherhood is an issue that has taken center stage in many societies around the world. Like it or not, this phenomenon is spreading and gaining traction in Nigeria. It used to be a taboo in our society, but not anymore.
However, it’s becoming increasingly clear that single motherhood can no longer be wished away. It is a reality of contemporary life, and we must accept and address it, since this demographic is a vital part of society.
Now, the question: how does a woman become a single mother? The reasons are not far-fetched.
A woman could become a single mother by choice or due to unexpected circumstances. A woman who is married with a child or children could suddenly become a single mom if she loses her husband or becomes a divorcee as a result of marital crises.
A woman could also become a single mom if she has a child or children outside of wedlock, for whatever reason.
These things happen everywhere, all the time, and will continue to occur—even if no woman likes it. It is a reality of life that, at some point, a woman may become a widow, with a child or children. Some women may have a child or children outside of wedlock, even if it wasn’t planned. These are some of the mysteries of life.
Whatever the case, single moms face the same existential challenges. Usually, many are broke, hungry, and unable to adequately care for their children. Many are impoverished, desperate, lonely, and abandoned by their partners (if they are still alive). Those whose husbands have passed often find they are left with nothing to take care of their families, mainly because some deaths occur without warning.
Single motherhood is not a death sentence. No woman should despair because she is single with a child or children, without a spouse to help care for her and the kids. Being a single mom is not an excuse to become a prostitute or “runs girl,” as we call women of easy virtue. Unfortunately, many single moms try to survive harsh economic situations by finding a man to depend on—a boyfriend who will pay her bills in exchange for sleeping with her. In my encounters with many single moms, they think this is the way to get by because society is cruel to widows and baby mamas.
Some fortunate single moms are able to find someone to marry, but many don’t have this rare opportunity. Many men won’t get involved with single moms due to the stigma society places on them. Since few men are willing to take on the responsibilities of children from a woman’s previous relationship, single moms who remarry often face the ongoing challenge of raising these children on their own.
What I recommend for single moms as the best solution to their predicament is to pursue financial independence.
A single mom who can support herself and her children will be more attractive to potential suitors than one who is broke or poor.
Therefore, my advice to single moms is never to give up, but to stand strong and face the challenges head-on.
Instead of waiting for jobs that might not be available, single moms should explore opportunities in retail trades that guarantee daily income and offer sufficient margins to meet the growing expenses of their families. A lot of discipline is required, as well as a strong mentality, for anyone seeking financial independence in the current economic environment.
Nevertheless, nothing is beyond the reach of a determined, energetic, and serious-minded single mom, regardless of her social status.
To be continued…
*Ladi Ayodeji is a Counselor, Speaker, Author, and Pastor. He can be reached via WhatsApp at 09059243004.
