When I first decided to start this column, I struggled to find a title that captured my vision. At the time, I couldn’t think of anything, so I settled on Man & Woman as a temporary option. But then, out of nowhere, the title Heart Matters came to me, and it felt like a perfect fit for what I aim to discuss here. So, here we are!
In this edition, I want to explore the plight of single women, including single mothers. Why are they still unmarried? Why do they struggle to find partners, even when they are eager to marry?
A common answer we often hear is that eligible men are scarce, or that economic hardship makes it difficult for men to take the plunge into marriage. These are valid points, but there are many other underlying reasons why eligible men hesitate to take that important step into matrimony.
Many men today are constrained by the prevailing economic challenges and the high cost of maintaining women in this materialistic era. Today’s women often come with a high price tag, and dating has become more expensive than ever. To win the attention of many women today, a man must have a stable job, a car, a well-furnished apartment, fashionable clothes and accessories, a good phone, and more. These are the expectations for a man in the modern dating world.
A man must not only be financially stable but also trendy, ready to sustain a relationship that often requires spending on things that cater to the expectations of certain types of women. These unrealistic demands often push young men into a relentless rat race, sometimes leading them to cybercrime and other forms of fraudulent activities in search of quick money.
Because women are so exposed to expensive lifestyles in this internet age, they tend to be highly selective when choosing life partners. This creates a situation where many eligible women are pursuing too few eligible men.
Now, the question: Should a woman lower her standards just to get married? The answer is both yes and no—it depends on the individual. Yes, if a woman is in the 25-30 age range without a committed suitor, it may make sense to reconsider her expectations if no one seems to be on the horizon. As a woman gets older, she becomes less marketable in the marriage market, so to speak. It’s better to make a move while there’s still time, as beauty has a shelf life. No woman remains attractive forever. After a certain age, beauty begins to fade, and menopause approaches, bringing with it the pressure of desperation. For women who are not married by ages 35-40, the services of deliverance pastors and prayer merchants often seem like the only solution in their quest for a husband.
However, if a woman is in her early 20s, there’s no need to compromise her standards. Time is still on her side. This is not the time to settle. At 21, a woman should be finishing her education if she hasn’t already. By 25, she should have a committed partner, ready for marriage in a few months. That’s a reasonable timeline, in my opinion.
Ultimately, there are no easy answers. It all comes down to God’s favor, good judgment, and wise decision-making on the part of the woman when choosing a marriage partner.
Happy New Year in advance! I pray that if you’re still searching, you find a good partner in the coming year, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
*Ladi Ayodeji is a Counsellor, Speaker, Author, and Pastor. He can be reached via WhatsApp at 09059243004.
