Many people, especially women, find themselves in unhappy marriages because they got married for the wrong reasons.
Marriage was ordained by God as a union between a man and a woman, meant to bring joy, companionship, and a variety of blessings. However, because finding the right partner —as opposed to the ideal one— is often challenging, many people end up settling for someone who is merely available, not necessarily suitable or compatible. This mismatch is a key reason behind the instability we see in many homes today.
From a desk research I conducted, I discovered that many men married partners they met by chance at church, college, parties, or other environments where shared interests brought them together. Peer pressure also plays a major role in many marriage decisions, which explains why such unions often fail to endure.
Social expectations can be a heavy burden. People feel pressured to marry by a certain age or because their peers are tying the knot. In some cultures, marriage is viewed as a mandatory rite of passage, a benchmark of personal success. Unfortunately, these pressures push many into unions they are emotionally or mentally unprepared for.
If you’re choosing a partner solely because they are beautiful, well-spoken, handsome, or possess certain superficial qualities, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Attributes like beauty, wealth, status, power, or academic accolades are fleeting. If those are your main reasons for marrying, regret is a likely outcome.
I’ve seen people marry partners they met on Facebook or other social media platforms, without taking the time to truly get to know them. Many pay dearly for such hasty decisions because they weren’t well thought out. The excitement of new romance, when combined with public validation from online circles, can lead to a false sense of readiness.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment, not a one-day event. Unfortunately, many people spend months preparing for a weddingbut spend little time preparing for the marriage itself, which is meant to last a lifetime. Counseling, discussions about values, finances, children, and conflict resolution are often ignored in the rush to impress guests and plan ceremonies.
There’s no perfect formula for a lasting marriage, but one key factor is making realistic choices that align with the long-term interests of both parties. Compatibility isn’t just about shared hobbies or physical attraction. It’s about shared values, mutual respect, emotional maturity, and a willingness to grow together.
People marry for different reasons, and that’s okay. Courtship remains a traditional period for observing and testing compatibility with a potential life partner. It’s not a foolproof method, but it offers a chance to better understand a person’s character, values, and intentions before entering a lifelong union. It also creates space for honest conversations about expectations, dreams, fears, and family influences that will shape the future marriage.
Ultimately, only God truly knows who is best for us. While He may not choose your spouse for you, He can guide you toward making a wise decision. God sees the end from the beginning and can provide peace when inevitable conflicts arise in marriage.
Making the right choice in a marriage partner also depends on individual preferences. No marriage is entirely free of conflict, even when the partners are compatible. Occasional disagreements or quarrels do not mean the union was a mistake—after all, even twins fight. What matters most is the willingness to resolve issues and grow stronger together.
Healthy marriages require intentional effort. Communication, forgiveness, compromise and humility are vital ingredients. These values cannot be overemphasised. When challenges arise—and they will—it is the foundation of friendship, faith, and mutual understanding that keeps couples anchored.
Choosing a life partner is perhaps the most important decision you’ll ever make. That’s why we must pray for divine guidance before taking that step. A good marriage doesn’t just happen. It is built, nurtured, and protected over time.
*Ladi Ayodeji is a speaker, counsellor and author. He can be reached via SMS or WhatsApp at 09059243004.
