It is common to see distressed single mothers, burdened by the weight of daily responsibilities, roaming the streets in search of a man to cling to.
Today, there are as many single mothers as there are single women without children. The romantic landscape has become diluted, fiercely competitive, and cheapened, largely because many single mothers have lowered the bar.
Unfortunately, many single mothers do not learn from past mistakes and are often careless in their choices.
They sink deeper into hardship because, in their desperate bid to make ends meet, they end up being sexually exploited by gigolos and playboys who throw peanuts at them in exchange for emotional and physical gratification.
Most single mothers are victims of their own indiscipline. As young, single women, many engaged in promiscuity without much regard for pursuing a career, getting an education, or learning a trade. They preferred an easy life filled with partying, dating married men, and hanging around guys who were willing to spend a little cash in exchange for using their bodies to boost their egos.
During these reckless lifestyles, they often give birth to fatherless children without considering the long-term responsibilities of raising them. This is how most cases of single motherhood occur, aside from those caused by widowhood, divorce, or unplanned pregnancies.
Invariably, many single mothers are the authors of their own misfortune. Unfortunately, they rarely admit or even recognize this truth. A lack of realism is one reason why many of them suffer.
In most cases, single mothers expect their lovers to cover all their expenses, including the cost of raising children from previous relationships. When a woman approaches a relationship with such expectations, she often ends up disappointed because few men are willing to take on the financial burdens of another man’s child.
The heart of the matter is this: the average single mom is a broken woman searching for a helper, not a lover. Her love is available to whoever is willing to help meet her needs. Most single mothers won’t admit this, but their primary motive for entering a relationship is to find a financier in exchange for romance. If a man cannot fulfill that role, he will likely face problems in the relationship.
It’s doubtful whether most single mothers are truly interested in rehabilitation or empowerment. For many, that isn’t the priority. What they seek is a short-term relationship that addresses their immediate needs, not a long-term or permanent solution.
In reality, many of these women want to marry and burden their new husbands with the problems from their past. However, only a few men are willing to carry such a load, especially when it involves children from a previous relationship.
As a counselor, the most realistic advice I give to single mothers is this: carry your cross, as the saying goes, and develop effective coping strategies that will help generate regular income. It all comes down to financial independence.
A single mother should learn multiple skills and work hard to build viable micro-businesses. That way, she won’t have to beg for love because genuine suitors will come naturally.
*Ladi Ayodeji is a speaker, counsellor and author. He can be reached on 09059243004(sms only).
