In the first part of this article, we broadly examined single motherhood. In this edition, I will delve into the challenges of dating a single mom—the pros and cons, so to speak.
The ideas presented here apply mainly to Nigeria, as far as I know. In other climes, particularly Europe, the USA, Latin America, and Asia, the legal frameworks, culture, traditions, and social norms underpinning man-woman relationships differ significantly. These systems tend to protect single mothers from the economic disadvantages they often face in this part of the world.
In Nigeria, the absence of strong alimony laws means that a divorced single mom may leave a marriage with little or nothing, even if her husband is well-off. Consequently, most divorced women are impoverished, deprived, and left to fend for themselves and their children under challenging circumstances. This is also the case for widows in primitive cultures or archaic traditions that favor men in property rights and inheritance.
Single moms from these social backgrounds, with virtually no legal protection, are vulnerable and often suffer greatly. Many enter relationships merely to get by, escape poverty, or meet basic domestic needs. In the process, they sometimes find themselves in exploitative relationships with abusive partners.
Anyone who wants to date a single mom in such circumstances must be prepared to meet frequent financial demands—not just for her personal needs but also for the welfare of her children and, in some cases, extended family or dependents. Usually, this is the crux of the matter in the crises that often arise in relationships involving single moms, which inspired this study.
Single moms deserve the chance to date and remarry. A failed marriage or previous relationship should not become a lifelong barrier to starting over. Life goes on. A widow, divorcee, or “baby mama,” as it is colloquially termed, still has a right to a fulfilling life.
The experience of being a single mom can serve as a valuable lesson in handling future relationships. Contrary to popular belief, being a single mom has its advantages—chief among them is experience. In all things, experience is invaluable. Every bad experience teaches important lessons, and this is what a single mom brings to a new relationship.
When experienced, one can recognize red flags in relationships and navigate the tricks some lovers use to take advantage of their partners. This gives a single mom a unique edge in managing such challenges. Additionally, single moms are no strangers to jealousy, emotional pressures, sexual temptation, and other common issues that new couples face. Their maturity often enables them to navigate these challenges with grace.
As a result, dating a single mom is not solely a tale of financial burdens, as many people claim. Conversely, some single moms can be difficult to relate to due to character flaws, tendencies toward transferred aggression, or an inability to manage their affairs without becoming a financial burden to potential partners or boyfriends.
What often discourages men from dating single moms is the “baggage” they bring into relationships. These may include domestic expenses such as rent, children’s school fees, utility bills, internet data, phone credits, beauty maintenance (hair, nails, eyelashes, accessories), and daily living expenses like food. Many single moms view a new relationship as an opportunity to offload a shopping list onto a new lover, which often dooms the relationship from the start.
While no one denies that single moms need help, it is unwise to overwhelm a new partner with the residual challenges of a past relationship. Poor management of personal issues is one of the main reasons single moms struggle to attract stable relationships or marriages.
The key here is financial independence. Regardless of marital status, every woman should aim for financial stability. This is essential not just for securing a better future but also for navigating challenges if a relationship ends. A financially independent woman commands respect and self-esteem in any relationship.
No man would easily take advantage of a financially stable partner. Moreover, financially independent women find it easier to attract partners in today’s challenging economic climate. To me, this is the most critical point for any single mom to consider.
*Ladi Ayodeji is a Counselor, Speaker, Author, and Pastor. He can be reached via 09059243004 (WhatsApp only).
